Having to know you are pregnant a month after your wedding is as exciting as it is worrying. Exciting because it's your first pregnancy, and worrying because.. well it's your first pregnancy. I hadn't had the faintest idea what to expect and furthermore, it wasn't planned. (Not that you can plan such things but that's not what I meant.) I only thought it was better for us to wait a year before we had mini versions of us. But of course, Allah swt knows best and what He has given us is His gift and I cannot be more thankful.

Though as much as I am thankful, I still have so much in my mind about the pregnancy. Am I able to be a good mother? Are we able to bear this financially? How do I nurture seorang hamba Allah when I'm struggling myself? I have such a bad temper, can I control it? Having a kid brings so much responsibility, and I'm not even responsible enough to get to work on time (seriously though).

But overtime I was told, if Allah swt decides to gift us with such a responsibility it just means He knows we're ready and even if we aren't we should make ourselves ready. Furthermore, hearing other people who have had kids tell you it's the most beautiful thing you'll ever experience in your life makes everything else fall into place.

...Which brings me to the emotional ride of being pregnant.

First trimester.

I've heard people who have had such an amazing time being pregnant- kickingly active, flawless skin, great hair, huge appetite and whatever else good that pregnancy brings them. And then I hear a handful who has had the worst time being pregnant- fatigue, pimples, headache, constant vomitting, body ache and everything else that just isn't pleasant enough to experience. And I had to fall into the unpleasant category.

I cannot begin to tell how horrible it feels to eat, just to throw out again whatever you've eaten. The dizziness, how your body feels tired by just doing something as simple as cooking or laundry. And definitely the smell of anything that just makes you feel like puking. Crying for no reason at all, and then being annoyed at the next second. And you experience this for 3 months. With everyone else telling you, it'll only be for 3 months which just means "no point complaining, it is what it is so suck it up".

But of course there's 2 sides to everything.

..Which then brings me to the beauty of being pregnant.

How despite everything, just looking at that non-existent bump right below your stomach makes everything just perfect and worth it. Knowing you're going to be a mother in months to come, makes you smile and feel light. That this is definitely a gift from Allah swt, and anything from Allah swt is beautiful.

You start talking to yourself, singing to yourself (when you're on your own). Assuming the baby is listening. Start admiring your body and how it changes as the little one grows with you. Getting so excited as seeing a little tiny bump that your husband wouldn't even call a bump, and stroking it daily. Getting to eat whatever it is that you ask for, and people around you making an effort to please you. Feeling even more love from your husband, and seeing how protective he is of his baby when you forget to eat your folic acid or when you refuse to eat a proper meal.

Motherhood, Syukran Ya Rabb.

It's been 14 weeks and 2 days of my journey now, another 25 weeks and 5 days to go. I'm entering my second trimester real soon, and I've read that this will be the best part of pregnancy and I look forward to it.

(Mummy and daddy awaits your arrival little one. We pray for you every single day. We love you.)

xx.